Saturday, August 18, 2007

A New Career

I want a job naming nail polish shades. I could totally do it, because, as far as I can tell, the name doesn’t really have to relate to the actual color of the polish. I was looking through the selection at the local Walgreens a couple of nights ago, and I ran across Las Vegas (copper-colored frost), Sex Symbol (bright red) and Vixen (really dark purple).

And that was even before I got to the OPI section. The OPI people must be smoking something. They have shades named things like It’s Sheer Luck and Windy City Pretty and It’s All Greek to Me. They have shades called Belize It or Not and You’re a Pisa Work. People, those are freaking PUNS! They actually have a shade called, get this, I’m Not Really a Waitress. Can you imagine being paid to come up with stuff like this??

That has got to be the most perfect job in the world. I could work drunk! Heck, I would probably do a better job drunk.

I’m going to update my resume right now, and I think I’ll include a sample of my work at the bottom just to clinch the deal. I think OPI needs a shade called Turd Blossom. What do you think, I’ve got the job already, right?

14 Comments:

Blogger Cheesy said...

OMG OMG Jill this is tooooo funny... When I was in NC for my daughters b-day we went for mani-pedi's and Nat chose "I'm not really a waitress"!!!

We sat and giggled at the names... it was fun fun fun in the waiting room~

9:50 AM  
Blogger Whippersnapper said...

"It's all Greek to me": When I read this, I sort of pictured the shade being somewhat "Turd blossom"-like. Am I wrong?

11:02 AM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

How about: "My Date Thinks I'm Easy" or "Faux Goth" or "I Want My Date To Think I'm Easy!" I could go on forever. Updating my resume too... :)

11:45 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

"Freshly Spanked"

9:22 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

Wow. I was going to say something...and then I followed the Turd Blossom link and it took all my words away. All of them. I shall sleep now.

4:02 AM  
Blogger CrimsonKing2000 said...

*whispers* Turd Blossom...by Carl Rove

Gross.

4:43 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

Nail polish or paint. I'm always amazed at the names they come up with.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

cheesy, No way! That's hilarious! What a bizarre coincidence.

whippersnapper, You know, that makes sense to me. And that scares me.

schmoopie, I love "faux goth." It's the perfect commentary. How about "I'm Not as Cheap as I Look?"

stucco, Good one! We need to start a list.

kara, I didn't mean to traumatize you, but it just had to be said.

crimsonking2000, That's a hoot!

jazz, Oooh, I've never checked out the paint aisle. Must do that the next time I'm stuck waiting for Slag in Home Depot.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

Love your blog! (I posted a long comment on your Star Trek entry further down but was afraid you might not see it.) I popped in here through Evil Spock and I am hooked! Am adding you to my link list so I'll never forget to check your blog.

1:34 PM  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

Reminds of the Simpsons ep where Lisa is making copies.

Lisa: Okay, I'd like 25 copies in canary, 25 in goldenrod, 25 in saffron, and 25 in paella.

Clerk: OK, 100 yellow.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

mauigirl, Thanks for stopping by. Will check out your blog too.

evil spock, I see you have never picked out nail polish. The subtle color variations are infinite. In a recent drawer cleaning, I discovered that I had two bottles of the same brand, one named "Blush" and the other named "Hushed Blush." Hushed Blush was slightly pinker. Slightly.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

"Turd Blossom" has promise, but we're going to need at least one more adjective, clarifying what KIND of turd.

Love this post, dearie.

12:17 AM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

I loved this post... Miss you guys!

9:28 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

When I was in college, all the girls who got French manicures insisted on using this nude color called "Buy Me a Cameo" and I've found out that it's the same color my mother insists on when getting her nails done (sometimes she'll accept "Ballet Slipper" but always first makes sure her go-to color requesting an antiquated piece of jewelry is not in attendance). I'm so thankful I bite my nails and have nothing to polish!

1:29 PM  

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