Wednesday, August 01, 2007


I have always been a huge Star Trek fan. It all started when I was in elementary school. My dad and I watched reruns of the original series every Sunday morning in the early 1970’s. We only got two channels in those days, but luckily, one of them made a little room for the far reaches of outer space in between their Sunday morning offerings of TV evangelists. It became a weekly ritual for us, sort of like church but without the nice clothes.

As I matured, I made every effort to stay up with all the latest in the Star Trek universe. I gobbled up the Saturday morning animated series episodes as quickly as they came out. I spent my allowance on cheesy books like The Entropy Effect and Yesterday's Son. I waited with unrestrained excitement for the first movie and was thrilled to sit through the 10 minute sequence that consisted of nothing but a panoramic views of the Enterprise while dramatic music played in the background. I’ve been loyal over the years, extremely loyal. I tolerated Troi’s “space cheerleader” outfit and smarmy “Gratitude and joy and joy and gratitude” dialog from TNG series pilot without complaint. I watched the abomination known as The Final Frontier from beginning to end, for crying out loud. Let no one question my Trekiness.

OK, I will admit, I’ve slacked off a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t see Nemesis until it came out on DVD. My Deep Space Nine viewing waned a bit after season 3. I watched the odd Voyager episode here and there, enough to know who all the characters were, but not enough to keep up with all the plot lines. But I was there for all of them, in spirit, if not in body.

Except for one thing.

In all those years, there has only been one failure. It’s my Waterloo, my siege of Leningrad, if you will. It is: Enterprise. I’ve never watched a single episode. Not one. I simply cannot make it past the nauseating, insipid, god-awful THEME MUSIC. I can’t do it. It makes me want to grab the nearest Phillips head screw driver and gouge out my eardrums. Who came up with that drivel? Oh, it might be fine music for a Michael Bolton album, or as background music for a Julia Roberts chick flick, but as theme music for a Star Trek series?? You’ve got to be kidding me. I still can’t believe it. I want to know which doofus heard those first few vile notes and thought “That’s it! This is the song we’ve been looking for!” He should be flogged! I’d rather be forced listen to a Muzak version of Captain and Tennille’s Greatest Hits over and over until my eyeballs bleed.

I challenge you to listen to it yourself without gagging. Go ahead. Try. I conveniently posted the video right above this post for your listening pleasure. (I can't seem to figure out how to actually get the video in the middle of this post, and I'm about to put my fist through the monitor, so we'll just settle for a separate post, and everything will be fine, won't it? Yes it will.)

So anyway, I avoided the theme music and the rest of the show sorta got thrown out with the bathwater, in baby-like fashion. Even Scott Bakula’s hunkiness wasn’t enough to get me past that theme music, and I had the hots for him back when he was only Murphy Brown’s boyfriend, long before he donned the uniform and became Captain of the Enterprise.

But things are different now. Now I have TiVo. TiVo changed everything. TiVo is my friend. TiVo would never make me listen to that theme music, would it? No, it wouldn’t. No, instead it will let me skip over the offensive theme music. And, EVEN BETTER, TiVo will go out onto the wires and find the episodes that I want to watch. I don’t have burrow around on the internet or possibly resort to buying a TV Guide™ to find the shows. TiVo will find them for me. While I sit and do NOTHING. Is that not the coolest thing you’ve ever heard??

So I’m off to do a TiVo search to find the next showing of the first few episodes of season one. It may take a little time, but TiVo will find them for me. I have faith.

May the Force be with me! (Tee hee, just a little sci-fi humor)


Blogger Jocelyn said...

Gotta tell you: I watched Enterprise a bit. And I screamed at that song every time it came on--I longed for some majestic, soaring, classical tune...not the Bryan-Adams-on-tv one they put there.

But sometimes I'm kinda crabby and all.

7:50 PM  
Blogger ian said...

Yeah, it bites. And my problem with the show as a whole was that it didn't look CLUNKY enough. That Enterprise looked FAR MORE advanced than the one they came up with in the 60s.

It was related to the same issue I had with Voyager. I wanted to see the ship over time becoming this massively over-powered mongrel with sixteen different salvaged engines held on by baling wire and chewing gum - anything to get that next little erg of speed, ya know? I wanted MAD MAX in outer space, not Captain Steuben and the Love Boat.

Now if you haven't already, go acquire as many DVDs of the new Battlestar Galactica series as you can get your greedy little paws on and watch them. Now. I'll wait.


PS: I <3 my TIVO too...

9:29 PM  
Blogger Schmoopie said...

I am a big TNG fan and I used to watch the original series on Sat. afternoons at the kitchen table on our 13 inch black-and-white.

We don't have a tivo. We are kicking around the idea of getting rid of the cable tv because we just don't watch a lot of it these days. We have our favorites but we watch them online now.

Troi was such a slut!

9:30 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:43 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

That’s the first time I’ve heard that song. I could just walk into the living room and tell you what I think of it, you are literally only ten or twelve steps away, but I want to go public with my contempt. I would rather be kicked in the nuts that listen to that sorry excuse for a theme song ever again. I would rather put on a suit and go to a wedding in a church on a Saturday afternoon than ever listen to that song again. It is the worst song I’ve ever heard in my entire life, and that includes “Rocket Man” as sung by Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, which can be viewed here:
I would rather be stranded on a desert island with Kirk singing Rocket Man every single day than ever hear that stupid song again.

9:45 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I love Trekking! Shows, movies, books. I mean, I'm not wearing Spock ears at the moment, but I do love the series. But like you, I never got into Enterprise. I tried...but never made it past one episode.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

I am a Trek fan from way back. I actually watched the third and last season of the Original Series when it was STILL ON THE AIR. (I could've watched the previous years too but hadn't gotten into it yet at that time). Then I watched all of the repeats time and again afterward and own the whole series on VHS tape.

I followed TNG and the rest as well. Voyager was only OK, because much as I liked Captain Janeway, she let the ship get boarded or taken over by aliens a bit too much. Would Captain Kirk ever have done that? Of course not. And that was my beef w/Picard too. He got taken over by the Borg, for heaven sakes. Kirk? It never would've happened.

But I digress. DS-9 I watched in the beginning but it got into that whole war theme too much and I stopped watching it. Although I loved some of the characters.

Enterprise I watched a lot in the beginning but my interest waned. Now my husband and I are into the fan Trek videos that you can get on line! You should check them out, they're quite well done!

Oh, by the way, Hi! I'm new here. I found you through your comment on Evil Spock's blog. Yes, I am a stalker I guess!

1:28 PM  

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