Saturday, October 13, 2007

Mall Memos

Dear 14-Year-Old-Boys Cruising the Mall on Saturday Night,

You don’t live in “the hood.” That outfit does not make you look “scarey,” or even “grown-up.” I know full well that your mom will be here in the minivan in a couple of hours to pick you up, so pull up your pants. You look ridiculous.

Dear Fashion Industry,

I present you with the following relevant data points:

  1. I am a 42-year-old, pear-shaped woman.
  2. I have plenty of money to spend on clothes.
  3. I do not want to dress like a hooker.
    Additional axiom: If I had an 11-year-old daughter, I would not let her dress like a hooker either.

See if you can deduce something from these, m’kay?

P.S. A tube top does not stop being a tube top just because you added a skirt to the bottom of it. You aren’t fooling anybody.

Thank you for your attention.


Blogger Schmoopie said...

I am right there with ya Jilly! We do have an 11 year old daughter and it has been hella difficult to dress her in decent clothes lately. She like to be trendy but even she has her limits. "Mom, those shorts are so short, my butt will hang out. Eww!"

The fashion industry has taken a nose-dive. A marketing director for Eddie Bauer has her child in my class. She is supposed to help them out of their slump. I ranted about how every piece of their clothing had EB or Eddie Bauer written all over it and I don't want to be a walking advertisement. She said it was duly noted. :)

The boys with their pants almost around their ankles crack me up. I want to pull them all the way down and watch them trip. I have an evil streak.

10:09 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

Thank you for brining that to the fashion industry's attention. I have tried, to no avail. Maybe they'll listen to you.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

We pear-shaped ladies could form a formidable gang and/or union...wouldn't you think?

2:28 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

Okay, so Jill? Could you do more of these, like everyday?

I'm a whore for the open letter, esp. when they're as funny as these.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Stucco said...

curvy girlies are "where it's at"- apologize for nothing.

7:44 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

schmoopie, Totally agree. I have a thing about wearing advertisements. I have a T-shirt that says "This space not available for corporate advertising" on the left boob. I wear it all the time.

jazz, I'm not holding my breath. I doubt I have much influence either, but it does give something to complain about, so it's not a complete loss.

kara, Yes! I think we could rule the whole world if we put our minds, and butts, to it.

jocelyn, I try not to write down all the things I'd love to say to people. Wouldn't want people to know how bitchy I am, ya know....

stucco, Me and my big butt thank you.

8:32 PM  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

Wait, my pants were drooping because I need a new belt. And I do look gangster, even though I have a baby-face.

3:44 PM  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

Oh, I forgot, would you like to trade Wii friend codes? Email me at if you're interested. I'll send you my Mii character. Oh, and I think The Collective made one too.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

evil spock, That is an excellent idea! I think all our Miis should get together weekly for a play date. It'll be sorta like having kids, but without diapers and midnight feedings.

2:14 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home