Sunday, September 24, 2006

Human Treats

I’m currently dogless, but I’ve seen friends occasionally give their dogs something like this:

Kong Stuff-A-Ball Dog Toy

It’s a rubber doggie toy that you load with treats, a doggie treat-toy, if you will. Then you give it to your dog and watch him spend the rest of the day driving himself insane, knawing at the toy and trying to get at the treats inside. Definitely sounds like a good time for everyone.

Last week I made something comparable for myself. Here’s the recipe:

1. Obtain one medium-sized lady’s handbag.

2. Load the handbag with all manner of bulky items. Be sure to include more items than the handbag is designed to comfortably carry. I use: wallet, checkbook, address book, cell phone, travel-sized bottle of Advil, pillbox with emergency supply of Lactaid and Xanax, travel-sized hair brush, several pens without caps, tube of lipstick, backup tube of lipstick in a different color, and keys.

3. Add about 3 pounds of loose change.

4. Shove at least a dozen wadded receipts into the spaces between the bulky items from step 2.

5. Add a handful of Dove Milk Chocolate Promises™. If you don’t have Promises, Hershey’s Kisses™ or miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups™ will do in a pinch. If there is PMS’ing going on, you may want to substitute the Dark Chocolate Promises.

6. Close the handbag. If you have to sit on it to accomplish closure, sit very gently so as not to crush anything.

7. Shake the handbag vigorously.

8. Give the handbag to the woman of your choice.

9. Watch the burrowing ensue.

This is guaranteed to keep any given woman occupied with pawing through the handbag for at least an hour or two. From personal experience, I can add that this human treat-toy will last a little longer if she’s driving and can only dig with one hand without looking. Gentlemen, if you’re looking for something besides conversation to entertain your woman on those long car trips, this might be just what you need. Enjoy.

3 Comments:

Blogger CrimsonKing said...

I got my dog one of those once and filled it with liver spray. It was like cheez whiz for dogs and it tasted like liver. She loved it.

8:58 PM  
Blogger slaghammer said...

crimsonking, liver spray? Isn't that the new Eau de Organ Meat from Chanel?

12:58 PM  
Blogger CrimsonKing said...

No it's from PetCo. It's where the pets go.

10:54 PM  

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