Glitter
This afternoon I headed to the ladies room for my normal, 3pm-ish, pee break, and found my favorite stall unoccupied. It’s the one furthest from the door. I don’t know why I always feel drawn to that one, but I do. And since the men outnumber the women 10 to 1 on my floor, that stall is usually available because there’s never anybody else even in the restroom. Long story short, I got my favorite stall. But today that stall had a different look. No, nothing alarming or disgusting, just weird. Today there was a bunch of glitter all over the floor. It wasn’t anywhere else in the restroom, just in that stall.
WTF?
I’ve been imagining possible scenarios in my head since then. How many ways could that happen? Glitter. On the floor. In the restroom. At work.
I think these are the best of what I came up with (keeping in mind that I am, right now, as I write, extremely drunk (I use lots of sentence fragments when I’m drunk. Probably drives Jocelyn crazy (She’s an English composition teacher))). They are:
1. They started making Barbie™ panties in adult sizes.
2. All the cool, hip people now decorate their hoo-hoo’s with glitter and I’m not hip enough to know about it.
3. MegaCorporation has out-sourced custodial duties to a group of fairies, and one of them, say, sneezed while she was cleaning that stall.
Anybody have a better idea?
WTF?
I’ve been imagining possible scenarios in my head since then. How many ways could that happen? Glitter. On the floor. In the restroom. At work.
I think these are the best of what I came up with (keeping in mind that I am, right now, as I write, extremely drunk (I use lots of sentence fragments when I’m drunk. Probably drives Jocelyn crazy (She’s an English composition teacher))). They are:
1. They started making Barbie™ panties in adult sizes.
2. All the cool, hip people now decorate their hoo-hoo’s with glitter and I’m not hip enough to know about it.
3. MegaCorporation has out-sourced custodial duties to a group of fairies, and one of them, say, sneezed while she was cleaning that stall.
Anybody have a better idea?
posted by Jill at 8:15 PM
6 Comments:
I quite like the last idea, but it's probably something way more prosaic, like they're trying to confuse you and turn you into as much of a geek as they are.
I love your theories. Now I'm gonna go check my favorite stall for glitter.
silly - there were fairies visiting your office (prolly potential vendor or something) and they had to pee. and everyone knows fairies shed glitter.
sweet fancy moses, decorated hoohaws??? i don't even wear makeup on my face. i can't imagine glitter in my nether regions.
Hey, babes, I know you're smart enough to recognize a fragment and, er, use it for purposeful effect (I do that myself). So we're all good, and I'm not shaking my fist at you right now.
My guess is this: there's an exceedingly annoying trend wherein people put confetti and glitter inside invitations/cards, so when you open the card, the crap flies all over. What a nice, Martha Stewart touch, right? Someone was probably taking a "quiet moment" to open an invite, and the thing exploded.
The invite. Not the toilet business.
To use some fragments.
On purpose.
Or maybe a tiny person made entirely of shiny thin metal exploded. Like spontaneous combustion. Doesn't it usually happen in the bathroom/shower? Tragic.
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