Saturday, January 26, 2008

I Got Carded! (Recently)

Yes, it’s true! I got carded exactly two days ago. In a FULLY LIT grocery store, buying a bottle of cheap-ass champagne. Take THAT, Middle Age!

I was picking up a bottle of the cheap stuff because I want to try making this yummy champagne cocktail I had at a New Year’s Eve party, and I figure if I’m mixing it with cranberry juice, there’s no point in spending a lot of money on the good stuff. As if I would know the difference anyway. The recipe is one bottle of champagne, two cups of cranberry juice and a half cup of the orange liquor of your choice. I was looking confused in the cordials section of the liquor store when some guy who worked there recommended this orange liquor that Patron makes. He then went on about how he hates Patron tequila and thinks it’s overpriced, but he likes this stuff. I tasted it when I got home, and it is indeed sweet and orangey, which is exactly what I was looking for.

Anywho, did I mention that I got carded? In full daylight? I DID. The ironic thing is that when I pulled the bottle off the shelf, I remembered the last time I got carded. It was in a very dark bar about 4 years ago. I was thinking nostalgically about how that was probably the last time it would ever happen, short of some serious surgical intervention, and even then, the eyebrows in the center of the forehead and inability to blink are always a dead giveaway.

But no, it turns out that spending 45 minutes on the Nordic Track, sweating off all your eye-liner, and then just toweling off, pulling on your clothes (without bothering to shower) and going to the grocery store with your hair still a little wet is some sort of magical youth elixir.

The checkout clerk looked at me a little sideways and said “Are you over 21?” and then before I could answer she went on to “Can I see your ID please?” And I’m all like “Absolutely you can see my ID!” And I’m thinking, honey, you could cut my lifespan into two equal-sized pieces and each half would still be old enough to buy this bottle of cheap champagne.

So then I’m standing there expectantly, maybe even feeling a little smug, as she inspected my ID, waiting for some sort of recognition for being extremely “over 21” and not looking it. I kept waiting for her to look incredulously back and forth between my license and my face and then go on and on about how I couldn’t possibly be that old and someone should write an article about me for the Style section of the newspaper. But she didn’t. She just handed the ID back to me and went back to scanning canned goods. It was very anti-climactic.

The whole thing left me feeling a little indignant. Because, you know, if you’re going to make every middle-aged woman who comes through your checkout line go to all the trouble of digging out her driver’s license out of her purse, you should at least PRETEND to be surprised when one or two of them turns out to be a little over thirty. She could have thrown me a bone and at least raised her eyebrows. I took my license completely out of my wallet for her convenience and I got nothing.

Whatever. I know she was probably half blind or high or just screwing with me, but I’m still counting it, and I dare anyone to even snicker about it in my general direction.


Blogger Kara said...

I'm still at the point where I find it annoying to get carded. And everytime I'm annoyed, they tell me that someday I'll consider it a compliment and blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is...the license holder slot is a tight squeeze. And I'm lazy. You do the math.

And I'm sure you don't look a day over my age...which is about to be 28. Everything halts at 28. It just has to.

6:09 PM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

That bitch! lol

Last time I got carded it was by some 18 or so y.o. I cracked up and pulled it out and told her I had underwear older than 21. She didn't get it.

[and I am almost 50! grin grin]

9:33 PM  
Blogger Em said...

I don't care what they say or how they look....she asked if you were 21! What more do you need to know you are still a hottie?!! :)

8:42 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

Last time I was carded I was just shy of 40. I think now the grey in my hair must sorta give me away...

7:34 AM  
Blogger Tales of an Artist & his Travelers said...

My lovely wife got carded a year or so ago. After looking for her DL for about 3 minutes in her carry along file cabinet, she said "do you really need to see my my ID"? The cute little 12 year old told her "it`s not for me, it`s company policy". I thought there was about to be a blood letting.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Stucco said...

I used to get served at 18, and have not been carded in forever. I fart dust.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

I don't remember the last time I was carded but I do remember the last time my husband was in Hawaii and he was about 30 at the time. What was annoying was I was a year younger and they didn't card ME!

4:02 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

kara, Enjoy these times of being annoyed. Your day is coming. And actually, everything halts at 32.

cheesy, How could she not get it?? Congrats on the carding. I'm impressed. :)

em, I'm liking you more and more! :)

jazz, I probably have some gray hiding under my highlights, but I'm not going looking for them just yet.

artist, Yes, a blood-letting was definitely called for. "Company policy" does not warrant ANY purse-digging.

stucco, Seems like I remember you saying you were 6-feet tall in the 6th grade. Maybe you just had the "intimidation factor" working for you.

mauigirl, Oh OH OH! That is an injustice of the highest magnitude! I hope you smacked someone.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

Wait--you're over 21? But your writing is so perky, so free of artifice, so unwrinkled! I should've blogcarded you eons ago.

As ever, I am a huge fan of your storytelling.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

One thing that sucks about getting carded, is that you look too young for teenagers to ask you to buy them liquor for an extra $20.

I need the supplemental income, dammit!

3:24 PM  
Blogger JAM said...

I took my license completely out of my wallet for her convenience and I got nothing.

That must have been tough, most women I know put their license behind that little window in their wallets and it eventually becomes glued in there from never being taken out.

I don't buy or drink al-kee-hol, but my graying hair and my gray, former UN ambassador John Bolton autographed model mustache gives me away as being over 21.

Here in Florida, if you're under 21, your drivers license is printed so that you have to hold it vertically to read it. None of that pesky date of birth math to be done. When you're 21, they print your license horizontally.

It's easier on dumb cops and dumb cashiers that way.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

I for one miss you gurlie... hope all is well.

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny how the older you get the more fun it is to be carded! :)

3:18 PM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

Ok, where are you? We miss you!

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this blog by googling the most ridiculous classified ad I've seen in the Jackson Free Press.

So Mr. Endicott III is "Slag"

Now I have to figure out the game...

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reference to Benson? Really?

What the fuck?

You guys are weird and pretty awesome.

10:39 PM  

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