Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I Am a Hypocrite

I dedicate this post to kara. Her comment on my previous post has made me aware of yet another flaw in my character. Thanks (I think).

I know I said in my last post that I think books shouldn't be banned. That's true. I do believe that. In principle.

In principle, I believe that anyone should be allowed to write and publish anything he/she wants and that anyone else should be allowed to buy it and read it.

But, in reality, there are books in the world that....well...it wouldn't bother me if those books were banned. In fact, if I were queen, I would single-handedly ban entire categories of books:

- Diet books. We don't need any more diet books. We don't need the ones we have. Let me summarize them here and save all that paper: "Eat less. Exercise more." I also call for a double-strength ban on celebrity diet books.

- Books by a politicians or ex-politicians or aspiring politicians. We got enough of your hot air while you were running for and/or serving in office. We don't need you to tell us what you believe or share your struggles with us all over again in a book. Examples:
It Takes a Village
Rediscovering God in America: Reflections on the Role of Faith in Our Nation's History
No Retreat, No Surrender: One American's Fight
Standing Firm: A Vice-Presidential Memoir
The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream
Our Endangered Values: America's Moral Crisis

I could list more, but I'm starting to gag. Oh, and if you must publish such things, please, for the love of god, don't use a title so long that it needs a ":" in it.

- Books "written" by people who are famous for something besides writing books. Examples:
TekWar by William Shatner
Gettysburg by Newt Gingrich.
The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel by Nicole Richie

Just because people recognize your name doesn't mean you're a novelist. And it doesn't mean you're fooling us when you pay someone else to write a book so you can put your name on it and call yourself an author either.

- Books that tell you how to get rich. Here's how you get rich: You write a book telling gullible people how to get rich. Then you sell workbooks that explain what your book really said. Then you hold seminars on your book and charge admission to people so you can tell them what your book says in person. Then you sell DVDs of yourself presenting a seminar on your book.

- Anything by Ann Coulter. She deserves a category all her own. (Yeah, I totally stole this from kara's list. Sue me.)

I'm sorry. I know this makes me a hypocrite, but I can live with it. Feel free to add to the list if you'd like.

9 Comments:

Blogger Jazz said...

"Standing Firm: A Vice-Presidential Memoir"

Do Vice Presidents actually do anything deserving a memoir? OK, granted, I'm not American, but what exactly does a Vice President do besides wait for the President to be assassinated so he can take his place?

8:04 AM  
Blogger Whippersnapper said...

I actually read "It Takes a Village".

I can't believe I'm admitting that.

Kids' books where moral lessons are learned sort of get on my nerves. I wouldn't mind seeing them added to your list.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Em said...

Does this mean I should stop working on my best seller "How to Get Rich While Losing Weight: One Man's Story"?

3:26 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

Oh man...I'm telling you...two pages of The Yearling and it's on the list. I don't kid about these things.

I'm gonna order my first steak this weekend in your honor. A tribute for a tribute.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Stucco said...

What about Ayn Rand? Atlas Shrugged? Ugh...

10:25 PM  
Blogger Evil Spock said...

Damn you and your censorship. Evil Spock guesses you won't be picking up Evil Spock's book:

"How Dieting is the Key to Riches and World Domination" With Foreward by Ann Coulter.

Since Evil Spock has conquered the interweb, Evil Spock felt it was time to branch into the world of books. . .

9:18 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

jazz, This particular vice-president is mostly rembered for incorrectly spelling "potato" in a middle school classroom. IN FRONT OF TELEVISION CAMERAS. Actually, he was trying to correct a kid who had in fact spelled potato correctly. It was a great day on the ol' US. Sigh.

whippersnapper, I suppose I shouldn't complain because I haven't read any of those books. But that's typical for book-banners, isn't it? So, was "It Takes a Village" bannable? (I just love making up words)

em, You're trying to make my head explode, aren't you??

kara, Get a filet! It will stay tender even if you want all the blood cooked out of it.

stucco, Oooh, I forgot about Ayn. I never got to "Atlas Shrugged" but "The Fountainhead" was mighty pretensious and preachy and I avoided her after that. Good call!

evil spock, I just don't think there's anyone in the world evil enough to collaborate with Ann, not even you. As evidence, I offer the fact that you are pictured with a bouquet of fresh flowers and everyone knows that flowers wilt when Ann looks at them.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

Not a hypocrite at all. There's a difference between censorship and good taste, most definitely.

I so much like the way you think.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Diesel said...

OMG, I read TekWar. It was lousy, and then they went and made a lousy tv show with B.J. from B.J. and the Bear. It would have been better with the Bear.

12:11 PM  

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