Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sweet Nothings

There’s just nothing that says “I love you” like an enormous 4ft. heart-shaped Mylar balloon that says “Be mine” on one side and has a picture of a rose on the other, is there? Somebody must think so, because the local grocery store is filled with them. It’s like a tacky haunted Mylar forest in there. I was afraid flying monkeys were going to swoop down and carry me off to the witch’s castle or something.

Who buys those things? Probably the same people who buy lighted heart-shaped lawn ornaments and heart-shaped rose wreaths and kissing balls. And what the hell is a kissing ball? The mind reels at the possibilities….

Whoever invented the Valentine tree probably has a house full of those Mylar Valentine balloons. I bet the Christmas people are going to be mighty pissed when they find out that yet other holiday is trying to move in on their tree decorating action. First there were Easter trees and Halloween trees, and now Valentine trees? Next year I’ll make a Groundhog Day tree. I’ll drape it with groundhogs and groundhog accessories. Let me know if you know what groundhogs use for accessories. I promise to give you credit.

Slag and I agreed we weren’t going to be exploited by the Valentine Industrial Complex this year, but then I came home yesterday to find a big beautiful bouquet of roses in one of his latest pots. Isn’t he a sweetie? No Mylar balloons though, so he wasn’t completely beguiled with all the available merchandise.

I love you, Sweetie, roses or not.


Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I clicked on the kissing balls link, shivering slightly as I did so. It said, "Elegant enhancement to your Valentine Decor. Finely crafted faux roses you can display just about anywhere in your home."

Well of course you can display them anywhere in your home, it's your fucking home! You don't need permission!

What the hell is Valentine Decor and why is it capitalized?

7:02 PM  
Blogger Em said...

How lame am I? I didn't even know there were Easter Trees and Halloween Trees! Now you tell me about Valentine Trees and the soon-to-be-trendy Groundhog Day Tree. My house is gonna look like a forest!!

Enjoy your roses and your hubby!

8:49 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

Easter and Halloween trees??? Never heard of that. I guess it's an "Only in the US" thing (said with much rolling of eyes and heavy sighs of disbelief)...

But the groundhog tree? Will you tie live groundhogs in there or shoot them first and then string them up?

7:45 AM  
Blogger Cheesy said...

Awww he is a sweety! But we won't tell....

8:34 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

Well my basement flooded with sewage water yesterday so I guess you win. Fine. FINE!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Oooh! I want one of those valentine trees. It's a seven-foot pink Douglas Fir, right? with hearts all over it? So cooool! :D
Joking. Glad to hear you won't be exploited. I'm so weak, I like anything cute and corny.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Whippersnapper said...

Heh heh heh, kissing balls...

Glad you had a great Valentine's Day!


9:44 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

sam, Yeah, who even has Valentine Decor that needs enhancement??

em, Not to worry. I've planned an upcoming post explaining all about decorated holiday trees. It was temporarily delayed by the plague. Stay tuned.

jazz, I think the little furry fuckers will have to be killed and stuffed before hanging them from the tree. Otherwise the house would start to smell. Not to mention attracting buzzards and such. Don't want that. Or maybe I can find some ready-made groundhogs down at the Groundhog Emporium.

cheesy, It's true. He hides his creamy center inside a hard, exterior shell.

kara, Yuck. I think just about everyone beat you this year. Next year will be better, I swear.

anne, A seven foot pink tree? Wow, you're Valentine over-achiever! :)

whippersnapper, Ha! I knew somebody would like the kissing balls. :)

10:49 AM  

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